Confidence Is Built by Evidence, Not Motivation - WSLT#5
The mind is like a scientist. It doesn't believe your wishes. It believes your evidence.
So what happens if your wish contradicts with your mind's evidence? Let's see in this post,
Mind is described as mysterious in various religious, scientific and philosophical contexts.
If we want to understand the concept of mind, we have to understand why we have so many differences of opinion about mind.
Everyone has separate belief systems and core ideas. If two people's core ideas, experiences and beliefs are exactly the same, there is no need for both of them, right?
Think about the studies, experiments and evolution of human kind throughout lot of years which actually shaped the people's concept of mind in different timelines in different cultures. If we see all these results we will know why so many differences of opinions.
If that is the case, we can't have one rule to understand something like the mind. More precisely, it's not a single line description for the mind, everyone has to understand their own mind using the methods that suit them.
Wait, my topic is about confidence and you may wonder why I blabber about the mind. But there is a strong connection between the two and I wanted to give a small intro before we continue.
Training your mind is one of the hottest topics in the personal development sector nowadays. There are so many techniques and methods there.
We are not going to discuss those but going to dive deep into something else which we should fix before selecting our technique.
Without understanding how the mind works, whatever we do, we can't make it work for us. As I told earlier, the mind is like a scientist and it believes in data, not in empty wishes.
You can't just wish and wait for something to happen, but you have to feed the mind the data it needs so it can make it happen. But how to feed and what exactly is this feeding?
Let me tell you a story. There was a spiritual gathering in which a guru gave a speech about beliefs and how a small belief can bring a big change in one's life. One guy who is the richest man of that place approached the gurus and asked his doubt
Rich guy: Guru, I have a doubt. How could a small belief change one's life? I find it really impossible. Can you please clarify?
Guru: (Silent for a minute), You are far from this place and it's already dark. How do you plan to return?
Rich Guy: I have a lantern and I can use it guru.
Guru: Your lantern is very small. How will it cover the entire path to your house?
Rich Guy: Yes, it may cover a small area, but you know that while we walk, that light is enough to help us see what we need to see.
Guru: Exactly.. A small light is sufficient to cross a dark place if used wisely. In the same way, a small belief can lead your way to success. You have to concentrate on your next step, not the whole journey. Your belief will lead you to the next step. Are you clear now?
Rich guy: Yes guru. Thanks for the explanation.
The story ends with the rich guy's clarity in mind and I hope it also sheds some light in our minds as well. The lantern may not light the entire path but it can give enough light for one step at a time. We can take this analogy to confidence as well.
The central point of that story is, however complex it is, one step at a time, with proper light can lead us to our goal.
If you think I also started to use jargon , let me clarify it with my previous statement, that mind is like a scientist.
Why am I calling it a scientist?
Because what your mind believes influences what you attempt, how you act, and what you persist with, not merely what you wish for. There is a slight difference in your wishes and what your mind believes.
If your wish contradicts with what your mind believes it fails your wish. Even if you try all the methods you find in all books, your mind won't believe it.
Your subconscious mind plays a vital role in this. If you already have some negative notions about your goal or wish, your mind will prevent it.
Then how can I make my wish happen?
Since I compared mind with scientist, there is a simple but effective way to make it believe your wish. The way is simple but it needs constant effort from your end.
How do you build confidence?
You have to start feeding your mind the small achievements or beliefs about your wish and make it believe that the wish is actually achievable. As an example, you can't make your mind believe that you can do 100 pushups on day 1(if you have to start from 0). Your physical ability and your mind's beliefs will contradict with your wish.
But if you tell your mind that you are going to do 5 push ups today and will reach 100 one day, it is achievable. If you keep increasing the limit your mind will gradually start to believe that you can take 100 push ups after feeding it with consecutive success data.
Similarly, if you want a million and need to start from 0, your mind won't believe it right away, but if you start feeding the mind you can earn more money than what you earn now, gradually you will train your mind to adapt to it.
And there are some people who may also start from 0 but have high confidence and can achieve results faster. If you are one of them, congrats, you should be proud of yourself. If you are not, don't worry, we have this feeding method to make your mind believe what you want.
Understanding Human Behavior
Abraham Maslow was a psychologist who created the Maslow hierarchy of needs based on human behavior. It states a pyramid structure of needs where at the bottom we have the basic needs such as food, water and shelter and at the apex we have the sophisticated needs such as morality, creativity and lack of prejudice (simply called as Self-Actualization)
 |
| Img Src: Wikipedia : Diagram of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs (five-level model) |
People will satisfy the needs in the bottom and then go on to the top. For a normal human being, food, water and house comes first, then comes safety. Once these are achieved, then comes relationship needs, followed by social recognition. Once all these are achieved, then the highest level of need is Self-Actualization, attaining one's full potential. It sounds like rigid but it's loosely coupled.
There was a poet in the British Raj era of India. His name is Subramanya Bharathi. Sometimes he worked as a school teacher and sometimes he was jobless but he never stopped writing poems. Many days his family was in poverty but that didn't affect his poems in the slightest. He is one fine example of these exceptional people.
People like Bharathi are exceptions who break the long studied human nature. Mandela, Theresa and Tesla are some other examples who had their burning desires let them skip the lower tiers and reach the high ones.
Similarly some people may have a fortified mind to remove negative thoughts and strong will which will result in their absolute confidence. It may be a result of their positive experience or better parenting or the circumstances they faced, which might have already fed this confidence for a long time.
These are exceptional people who are absolutely resolute and do what they want without doubt. But they are considered as anomalies(in a good way of course) and not a benchmark to judge ourselves. We don't know how much evidence their mind perceived over years.
When I say, not to take them as a benchmark, it is not to downgrade ourselves. If our mind is already in their level, we won't need any training. If not, need not to worry. This article is for the people who want to get the confidence they need.
“So what if I am not one of those exceptional people?”
As I said earlier, not all minds are the same. If we want to be one of those exceptional people we have to first condition our mind similar to theirs.
We can start with small successes and use those as evidence to make our mind believe our goals are achievable and aim for bigger ones. What we need is patience and the conviction to achieve what we want.
If we have the patience and conviction, we can start feeding our mind with the data we want. The key point is, to make your mind believe that the idea or goal you chase is attainable by you.
You may not start with exceptional confidence. But you can build more confidence by giving your mind evidence.
Your mind doesn't need you to prove you can achieve everything today. It needs evidence that you can take the next step. Give it that evidence, one success at a time, and tomorrow's impossible goal may become today's achievable target.
Remember that cleaning a mirror’s decades of dirtiness can't be done on a single day. But constant cleaning will make it clean one day. The exciting part is, you may not see the final output in a day but you can see your efforts pay off every day.
This is part of my WSLT series and if you like it, please subscribe to get weekly updates on new posts.